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Trailer · Being prepared nowKimon Ivanov · Cedric Pots · Jean-Maurice Henkel

Success, part 2: what should we count?

“Everything that burns you out is not success.”

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What we will argue about

In episode #6 we took apart the success we were taught: medals, villas, watches. We weren't done. This time we try to build something in its place. Small successes achieved on purpose, success as a couple or a team, the role of luck and the right mentor, and success at the scale of an app that improves millions of lives. Our working definition: good character plus balanced judgement. Count what matters, not the surplus.

Three colleagues, one question, recording soon.
Layer 2 · The questions

Why we're asking this now

The first conversation on success ended with more questions than answers, and listeners told us that was where it got interesting. So we are doing what we rarely do and coming back to a topic. The first time we criticised the definition. This time we try to replace it.

Continues #6 Definition of successPart 1 asked why smart people stay in toxic success. Part 2 asks what they should be counting instead.
The main question

If success isn't what society measures, what should we count instead?

The sub-questions

The questions the conversation is built on.

  1. How does the will to succeed shape us?
  2. What does society see as successful, and why do we notice it so easily?
  3. What does money tell us about success, and what does it hide?
  4. What social price does career success ask, and who pays it?

Questions for you

To think about on your own, before or after listening.

  1. Which of your daily successes would nobody else notice?
  2. Who first told you what success looks like, and do you still agree with them?
  3. What would you stop doing tomorrow if nobody were counting?

Questions to discuss

For a coffee, a class or a reading group.

  1. Why are fewer people inspired by Nobel laureates than by controversial influencers?
  2. Is success something you do alone, as a couple, or as a team?
  3. How much of success is talent, and how much is luck and having the right mentor?
The ten-year question

If you could send your definition of success back ten years, would your younger self accept it?

Layer 3 · The tension

Where the conversation pulls

Tension A

Success is what can be seen

Medals, titles, the villa, the watch. Society gravitates to what it can measure, and it rewards the people who perform success well.

Society's definition
Tension B

Success is character

Good character plus balanced judgement. Keeping things simple and human. Success that depends on outside approval is fragile, and anything that burns you out isn't success.

Our working definition
Tension C

Success is shared and lucky

Nobody succeeds alone. The right mentor, the right team and the right moment matter more than we like to admit, and success can belong to a couple or a group.

The honest addition
The line we keep returning to

Count what matters, not the surplus.

Layer 4 · A first taste

A first taste

Taste 01

The over-sharpened knife

A mathematics professor we know put it best: be careful your knife isn't sharpened too far, because a knife that is too sharp isn't a useful knife. Some kinds of brilliance make it harder to connect with other people, and connecting is part of success.

“Who wants to be smart? The stupid person. Who wants to be stupid? The smart person.”A Bulgarian teacher's saying
Taste 02

Performing success

Conspicuous luxury tries to create the impression of wealth. Quiet luxury doesn't need to. The same holds for success: the more it needs to be seen, the less sure it is of itself.

Taste 03

The Bermuda Triangle of Talent

Writer Simon van Teutem describes how idealistic graduates disappear into corporate law, investment banking and consulting, and how many leave again once the golden handcuffs pinch. Part 2 asks why the pull is so strong, and what it would take to resist it.

Layer 5 · Before you listen

Find your own starting point

Before you listen

What keeps you where you are?

Before you listen: rate how much each of these keeps you in your current job or study, from 1 (not at all) to 5 (completely). Then look at your highest score. Is it something you would count as success?

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Layer 6 · Ask before we record

Questions for the recording

We haven't recorded this one yet. Answer one of these, or send the question you most want us to argue about. We'll read a selection on air, with your permission.

  • Can you be successful without anyone noticing?

  • Is a selfish success still a success?

  • What is the smallest success you are proud of?

Before we record

Your question can change the conversation. Send it now and it may become one of our sub-questions, or the opening of the episode.

Questions that make it into the episode will appear here after it's released.
Layer 7 · Go deeper

Keep pulling the thread

Get ready

We'll announce the release in The Minutes and on Spotify. Until then, the questions above are yours to think about.

Get notified

Reading list

  • Status AnxietyAlain de BottonOur suggestion: why we crave being seen as successful.
  • MultipliersLiz WisemanSuccess measured by how capable you make others, which came up in our time-management talks.
  • On the "Bermuda Triangle of Talent"Simon van TeutemWhy talent drains into a few elite careers (check the exact book title before publishing).

Where this question leads

#6 Definition of success (part 1)Where we took the old definition apart.
Coming: WealthIf not the villa, then what is wealth?
#5 Efficiency or priorities?Small daily successes, chosen on purpose.

The Minutes. After each episode: the edited notes, the quotes we argued about and the question we couldn't close. One e-mail per episode.

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